Brett The Dongslinger Will Never Die...

Posted by Sean Doyle, November 1, 2010.

Image edited by Sean & Colin Doyle (Beard Image Courtesy of Katchop.com.)

Following a brutal loss to the Pats yesterday in Foxboro, Brett's Vikes are now 2-5 on the season. To add insult to injury the legendary dongslinger (Brett) was carted off the field following a hard Myron Pryor helmet-to-chin slam. As the blood gushed from his grey speckled chin and Brett laid face down on the hard New England Earth, the horror of the 2010 Minnesota season must have soaked in. How would Hollywood handle this tragic tale? Hmmm...

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DONGSLINGER THE MOVIE

INT. ROWDY FOOTBALL STADIUM - DAY

Brett, 41, an aging warrior, lays face down on the dead cold frozen tundra. It is late in the 4th quarter. Time is running low in the game and his career.

BRETT (VOICE OVER)

Is this why I came back? (As he wipes

blood from his chin) To get coldcocked

by some punk? To be sneered at by a

bunch of snotty Massholes?

The crowd's roars go silent as Brett attempts to lift himself up. He doesn't have the strength and he falls back to the Earth.

BRETT (V.O. CONT.)

292 straight starts, 504 touchdowns,

and 3 goddamn MVP's and this is how

it ends?

The blood is now gushing from Brett's chin, painting the field red.

BRETT (V.O. CONT.)

I'm a punchline? I break my ass

playing a man's game and I'm a

national punchline? So I sent a

chick a pic of little Brett? Big deal!

Now I gotta hear that nasally little

puke Bill Maher make fun of my

button? I'd break that tiny putz

with both hands tied behind my back!

Doctors and coaches are now swirling around Brett.

DOCTOR

Brett? Can you hear me?

BRETT (V.O. CONT.)

I hear you. I hear the world!

Quit Old Man! That's what they're

saying. Well you can't take this

game from me. No one can. I'll play

till the last drop of blood is

squeezed from my body. Tell the press,

tell Bill Maher, tell my broken ankles

and my bloody sliced neck I'll be back

next Sunday...