Dirk West-witzki

Posted by Sean Doyle, November 30, 2010.

Cool video from the Dallas Mavericks' media department. Cuban is smart to roll out these viral gems. This again demonstrates why Mark Cuban is light years ahead of other NBA owners.

The Best of The Best (Part 1)

Posted by Sean Doyle, November 21. 2010.

"I really enjoyed your Sprint commercial.."

The two greatest quarterbacks in the history of the NFL (yes, I said it) Tom Brady and Peyton Manning are facing off right now on the old tiffany network. It has become an annual tradition this Brady-Manning Bowl and is often the most hyped regular season game of the year. It is a time of great mirth (yes, I said it) for the armchair analyst and devoted stat head alike. Who is the best? Or rather, the best of the best ? (With all due deference to the great Eric Roberts)

Numbers alone don't tell this story. (Just an aside - How many shite sports columns have opened with that worn dead cliche line?) If we were to go on numbers alone (another cliche gem) you'd have to give it to Archie Manning's boy. Peyton's career stats are as follows: 382 TDs, 52,791 passing yards, 64.8% completion rate, and 95.1 passer rating over 13 seasons (all as starter). Brady's career looks like this: 242 TDs, 33,020 passing yards, and a 93.7 passer rating in 11 seasons (9 as starter).

But the postseason is where reputations are made (just ask Jim Kelly and Dan Marino). If we were to look only at the second season, than Brady trumps Manning. Brady has 4 Superbowl appearances and 3 Championships. Manning has 2 Superbowl appearances and 1 Championship. Though their career postseason stats are eerily similar (Brady: 28 TDs and 15 INTs, Manning: 28 TDs and 19 INTs) over the last decade, their has been no better big game quarterback (cliche hat trick!) than Tom Brady.

Speaking of big games. Brady bagged the the biggest game out there...

To be continued...

The Cincinnati Kid?

Posted by Sean Doyle, November 18, 2010

"Tell him the deal is three years at $15 million a year, take it or leave it. Wait him out and he'll wind up taking it. Where's he gonna go, Cincinnati?"

- Anonymous Source w/ Yankees

So now it's getting messy between the Bronx Bombers and their beloved marquee player. Sources close to the situation (read: Hank Steinbrenner) seem to be saying there is a wide gulf separating what Jeter and his agent want and what the Yanks are willing to give. So now, for the first time since 1995, there is an ever growing chance (though still very slim) that Derek Jeter suits up for a different franchise in 2011.

Yes, Jeet's numbers were down across the board in 2010 and he is going to turn 37 next summer. Here's the comp:

2009: .334 18 66 30 SB .871 OPS

2010: .270 10 67 18 SB .710 OPS

His defense, for which he won his controversial 5th gold glove in 2010, is much maligned due to his lack of range. At this point he may no longer be an acceptable major league shortstop.

So then, where do you put a position-less 37 year old ball player with a slipping offensive game and chip on his shoulder? Frankly....you put him back in the Bronx for four years at $18 million per. You play him at short in 2011 and then move him to third base in 2012, where his smaller range won't be as damaging. (Move A-Rod to DH in 2012 to make room for Jeter.) Let's face it, The Captain has earned this contract. 7 Pennants, 5 World Series rings, 11 All-Star nods, 4 Silver Sluggers, a lifetime .837 OPS, and countless priceless memories have made Jeet the Mickey Mantle of this generation. I've been to over a hundred Yankee games and I can tell you nobody made the game look more beautiful than Derek Jeter.

So Hank, bring the Captain home and let's go for number 28.

Besides, Minka belongs in the Big Apple...

If At First You Don't Succeed, Don't Try Again.

Posted by Sean Doyle, November 17, 2010.

Gary "Tata Toothy" Dell'abate made an appearance on Kimmel last week to promote his New York Times bestseller, "They Call Me Baba Boey". Unfortunately (for him, and us), Kimmel gave Toothy a chance to redeem his infamous "first pitch" from Citi Field. Boy, if this is redemption...

Further Proof That Miami Has The Worst Fans In Sports...

Posted by Sean Doyle, November 16, 2010.

Fan Up, Miami! Your 6-4, 3rd place Heat need help! Some genius in the Heat's front office has obviously gotten sick of the notoriously fickle Miami sports fan and felt a little passion instruction was needed. Hence, "It's time to 'Fan Up, Miami!" This new (irony-free) marketing attempt at stimulating the DOA Miami fan is at turns hilarious and sad. You would think the signing of the three biggest free agents in the sport (James, Wade, Bosh) along with the non-stop hype/noise machine that accompanied it, would be enough to rally the affections of the South Beach hoopster set. But, true to form, the zombie Miamian lacks the necessary spirit to support even the most star laden franchise on Earth.

Imagine

Posted by Sean Doyle, November 2, 2010.

...And Don't Let The Door Hit You On The Way Out, Bonds.

Posted by Colin Doyle, November 1, 2010.

Image courtesy of The Bleacher Report

The Bonds Era (Error) in San Francisco could not have ended more appropriately.

Bonds can keep his phony home run titles and "MVP's." The city of San Francisco will take this one. In the end it was the amazing pitching performances from the Giants' young pitching staff that paved the way for the first World Series title in San Francisco in 56 years.

Photo courtesy of Getty Images.

Brett The Dongslinger Will Never Die...

Posted by Sean Doyle, November 1, 2010.

Image edited by Sean & Colin Doyle (Beard Image Courtesy of Katchop.com.)

Following a brutal loss to the Pats yesterday in Foxboro, Brett's Vikes are now 2-5 on the season. To add insult to injury the legendary dongslinger (Brett) was carted off the field following a hard Myron Pryor helmet-to-chin slam. As the blood gushed from his grey speckled chin and Brett laid face down on the hard New England Earth, the horror of the 2010 Minnesota season must have soaked in. How would Hollywood handle this tragic tale? Hmmm...

_____________________

DONGSLINGER THE MOVIE

INT. ROWDY FOOTBALL STADIUM - DAY

Brett, 41, an aging warrior, lays face down on the dead cold frozen tundra. It is late in the 4th quarter. Time is running low in the game and his career.

BRETT (VOICE OVER)

Is this why I came back? (As he wipes

blood from his chin) To get coldcocked

by some punk? To be sneered at by a

bunch of snotty Massholes?

The crowd's roars go silent as Brett attempts to lift himself up. He doesn't have the strength and he falls back to the Earth.

BRETT (V.O. CONT.)

292 straight starts, 504 touchdowns,

and 3 goddamn MVP's and this is how

it ends?

The blood is now gushing from Brett's chin, painting the field red.

BRETT (V.O. CONT.)

I'm a punchline? I break my ass

playing a man's game and I'm a

national punchline? So I sent a

chick a pic of little Brett? Big deal!

Now I gotta hear that nasally little

puke Bill Maher make fun of my

button? I'd break that tiny putz

with both hands tied behind my back!

Doctors and coaches are now swirling around Brett.

DOCTOR

Brett? Can you hear me?

BRETT (V.O. CONT.)

I hear you. I hear the world!

Quit Old Man! That's what they're

saying. Well you can't take this

game from me. No one can. I'll play

till the last drop of blood is

squeezed from my body. Tell the press,

tell Bill Maher, tell my broken ankles

and my bloody sliced neck I'll be back

next Sunday...