Friday, December 17, 2010

Quoth The Dongslinger, Nevermore.

Posted by Sean Doyle, December 17, 2010
                    
Image by Colin & Sean Doyle.

Ah, distinctly I remember, it was in the bleak December
And each separate dying ember wrought it's ghost upon the floor
- Edgar Allen Poe (From "The Raven")

And so, two hundred and ninety-seven, gridiron contests neath pigskin heaven
Saw the end of number four, the indomitable ironman was no more
For on this Monday in the city of motor, our prophet never answered the bell
My body lay broken said he, tempered by the tundra of frozen hell
And for all these slings and for violence yell, my years of glory, my love of war
For all of this remember and nothing more

Quoth the Dongslinger, "Nevermore."

- Sean C. Doyle (From "The Dummy Bros")

Run, Fatboy, Run!!

Posted by Sean Doyle, December 17, 2010.
Graphic by Sean & Colin Doyle.

Karma's a bitch, Number #5.

So now we hear Donald Sterling, the NBA's variation on the crazy old uncle concept, is heckling his own "star" player Baron Davis* from the sidelines. Mr. Sterling's bellows have reportedly contained references to Baron's rotundity and, of course, his ever feeble game. To which I say yes!!! Hells yes!!! Despite what protestations may emanate from the bla-bla-osphere, Baron Davis is fat and his game is shitty. He is lazy and arrogant and overpaid and deserves to be heckled on a nightly basis for pulling down $13 million dollars while averaging 8 points and 5 assists for a 5-20 team. I know, you say how can I defend someone like Donald Sterling? Well, I hate to dust off my old cliche machine but (clearing my throat) even a broken clock is right twice a day.

*I remember going to a Knicks-Clippers game at the Garden a few years back and being truly astounded by the bizarrely mediocre performance turned in by Baron Davis. I recall one play in particular really pissed me off. Davis ambled down the court at turtleman-speed and then, with 3 defenders on him, 2 wide open teammates and a ton of time left on the shot clock, heaved up an awkward 3 point shot that fell well short of the rim. It was one of the most selfish and stupid things I had ever seen on a basketball court.

Friday, December 10, 2010

Shit Sandwich

Posted by Sean Doyle, December 10, 2010.

Time to chew a little crow. After all, it was only six games deep when I penned a peppy premature positivo on Long Island's prodigal pucksters. Since that time the Isles are a steady 2-15-3, taking their penchant for mediocrity to Horowitzian proportions. Of the nine major New York sports franchises, none have mastered morbid moribundity quite like the good ol' Islanders. These Isles are forever in a state of terminal decline, or to put it all pretty-like, a near constant shit sandwich.

Speaking of shit sandwiches, what the in the sam hell were the Bo-Sox thinking when they cut Carl Crawford a $142 Million dollar check? He's a 30 year old corner outfielder with 15 home run power for chissakes!! Adrian Beltre would have been happy with a third of that cheddar (and he's a gold glove infielder with 3x the power)! I can't wait for the third year of this deal when Crawford hits like .288 with 9 home runs and 58 runs batted in, steals 27 bases and posts a .712. OPS all while picking up a $21 million dollar check for a third place Red Sox team. That is going to be priceless....or for the ever "savvy" Bo-Sox, the opposite of priceless.

Thursday, December 2, 2010

I'm Bruce Willis

Posted by Sean Doyle, December 2, 2010.

Cool video from Wreck & Salvage detailing the epic win that is Bruce Willis. The man who singlehandedly saved Nakatomi Towers from effete East Germans without so much as a pair of Reeboks gets a well deserved video tribute. Yippie kai yay, motherfucker!