Monday, January 17, 2011

Meet The Heatles.

Posted by Sean Doyle, January 17, 2010.
Image by Colin & Sean Doyle.

Fresh off one of the darkest moments in Cleveland sports history (the 112-57 double drubbing of the Cavs by the Lakers), LeBron James invoked the Karma clause.  His "Highness" tweeted, "Crazy, Karma is a bitch..Gets you every time. It is not good to wish bad on anybody. God sees everything!"  While the King engages in a gleeful bout of schadenfreude, his former team is slowly fading from the national consciousness.  If we do see the Cavaliers at all anymore, it is now only through the ever dry eyes of their estranged prodigal son.

His new team, which James slyly dubbed "The Heatles" after the greatest rock band of all time, is now making history of their own, methodically dismantling any franchise that gets in their way. After a rocky 9-8 start (in the rock world it's known as paying your dues), the Heatles are a ridiculous 21-4 in their last 25 games (21-1 with the Big Three healthy).

Since that fateful night in Cleveland, 'Bron has embraced his inner heel as Bill Simmons is fond of saying, and in doing so seems to have found his proper role. Now finally freed of his forced phony corporate milquetoast persona, the "King" (Come on, anyone who refers to himself as royalty is an automatic heel, we just weren't paying attention) is where he belongs, as the arrogant ringleader of a modern day Showtime Lakers (only without the likability and charm.) The Ric Flair of the Miami Heat's Four Horsemen.

Back to the Heatles.  To pull together this rough analogy we need to match the Fab Four with their modern day South Beach equivalent. I think this one is pretty straight forward. LeBron is John, the talented leader with a dark side. Wade is Paul, the pretty one with the pretty game, and the best chance at longevity. Bosh is George (I think this is easiest analogy), both could be the number one guy in a lot of teams/bands but in this particular situation are the very best third option around. And last but least (not a typo) Mike Miller is Ringo. I saw another photoshop where Juwan Howard is pictured as Ringo.  Juwan Freakin' Howard!  He's not even George Best.  Hell, he's not even Stu Sutcliffe.  No, Miller is Ringo.  Damnit!  Miller is Ringo!

Well folks, these are your Heatles, the premier heel faction in NBA history.